At A Moments Notice...

Though my gateway has taken a leave of absence, I am officially back on line with a powerful new Dell Inspiron 5150...missed me?

Anyhoo, a lot of shit has been happening behind the scenes since dropping I'm On My Way, and I think it's time to update you with some of the happenings.

I have a few gigs coming up:

:::December 4th:::

Place: 275 Grand, Bar and Cafe
Location: 275 Grand Avenue btw, Lafayette and Clifton Place~Brooklyn, New York
Aura: Reading, Signing, and Discussion
Time: 7pm

:::December 5th:::

Place: Brownstone Books
Location: 409 Lewis Avenue btw, Decatur and Macon~Brooklyn, New York
Aura: Reading, Signing, and Discussion
Time: 7pm

:::December 11th:::

Place: SPRUNG @ Bar'do
Location: 29 Bedford Place @ Downing Street~New York, New York
Aura: Signing
Time: 6pm

:::December 17th:::

Place: Barnes and Nobles
Location: 105 5th Avenue @ 18th Street~New York, New York
Aura: Reading, Signing, Discussion
Time: 7:30pm

So if you haven't copped the book and you'd like to, by all means come out and support a brother. I promise to wear my best smile all night long...

On December 17th, I will also be attending the launch party of HOMME, a spanking new 2004 calendar that features mwah...more info on the party and the calendar to follow.

Last week Monday my computer (that I purchased exactly [1] year ago) said, "goodbye", and closed it's doors. I tried as best I could to pry them open, but to no avail. Since then I have been struggling with Gateway to get my baby up and running. Tech Support telephoned me this morning and told me it's a hardware problem which means they now have to ship my beloved PC to good old Texas to be remedied.

*Sigh*

Which basically left me no choice but to order a new computer. This time I ordered a DELL, since I've had issues with Gateway for quite some time now (I've had [2] in a matter of [3] years). My new computer is a superfast laptop that should arrive any day now.

Despite the fact that I have to basically start over from scratch again (I managed to save some of my most important info from my Gateway hard-drive) I am a little excited about getting back on-line, and up-and-running officially.

It's amazing how computers can turn your already hectic world, completely up-side-down...

Bloggless in Brooklyn...

Christopher David

A fairy tale unflolds | More true than stories I've been told | At last my chance to shine | And all in perfect time| The life I once dreamed of | Who'd have thought? | If it wasn't for your love...~ Heather Headley

:::F R I D A Y:::

To my surprise I was given a gift certificate to Nic.kel, an exclusive spa for men, from The One. The goal was to get me ready for my big book release debut...the certificate read: 90 Minute Full Body Massage | 60 Minute Super Moisturizing Facial | Manicure | Pedicure.

Anyone who knows me knows I have not a pretentious bone in my body--so the idea of being spoiled at a top of the line spa initially didn't sit well with me. What I couldn't do in my bathroom at home, didn't need to be done. But I was assured it was exactly what I needed, and indeed it was.

To say Nic.kel is beautiful is an understatement! This 4,500 square feet sanctuary, with it's crome walls and cobalt lighting boasts eight treatment rooms, a napping room, a nail room and a vast expansive reception area with goodies galore! Everything a man needs to maintain a healthy upbeat appearance is there, and ready for purchase.

Located on 14th Street and 8th Avenue in the heart of Chelsea, you know immediately you've entered another world--a world where the who's who of New York goes to get pampered. So I wasn't surprised to find Carson of Bravo's Queer Eye for the Straight Guy perched at the nail station sipping on Glaceau's Smart Water and chatting it up with his manicurist. As I sat waiting to start my regimen of relaxation I couldn't help but wonder who else had filled these halls...and in a way feel thankful that I had a partner who thought so much as to treat me to a day of my own. I left Nic.kel feeling refreshed, like a new man ready, willing and able to take on the world.

:::S A T U R D A Y:::


Something truly amazing happens the moment your dreams become realized. Something spectacular. Something, unheard of...

I have repeated that phrase a million times already, and I will continue to say it over and over and over, because it is sooo true and sooo on [point that is].

I arrived at FORTY6GRAND nervous, but poised. When Iset the date for the release I was confident that things would go well, but as the day drew nigh doubt (my former best-friend) began to once again rear his all too dependable head. Would it be a success? Would people show up? Had I really reached my core-audience? Had I marketed enough? Thought after thought filled my head until it seemed I had nothing but worries, and fears and stress.

Ahhhhh, but God is a good God. And though I worried constantly, it seems He began whispering words of encouragement through the mouths of my loved ones to keep on keepin' on, and not to worry 'bout a thing, because the work had already been done. I can't tell you how good it was for me to see the countless number of people that came out to help usher me into this new and exciting world of literature. Old friends, new friends, friends--of--friends, all showing me what it means to love and be loved, freely and unconditionally. To try to articulate my exact feelings that night would be a foolish feat, one no man in his right mind would even begin to attempt, because no amount of words could express the emotions running amuck through my heart. Like I mentioned in my novel: No one can do it alone...because we need each other, a songwriter once wrote, like water needs the rain.

Thank you for needing me, for supporting me, and for making November 15th, 2003 one of the biggest nights of my life. Believe me when I tell you, I could not have done it, if it wasn't for your love...

Mucho respect, and all that good shit we sometimes like to call love....

For many people gay is synonomous with HIV/AIDS. Though the epidemic has grown, changed shapes, colors and demographics since its emergence into pop culture, many of our mindsets however, have remained the same. HIV/AIDS equals gay/homo/batty boy. It's God's way of punishing FAGS, an anti-gay protest sign read just a weeks ago. *Laughs* Never mind the fact that thousands upon thousands of straight people die from HIV/AIDS every single year. Never mind the fact that children are being born daily infected with the disease. Never mind the fact that thousands of children in many Third and Second World countries are losing both their parents to the disease; popular opinion still maintains: HIV/AIDS *rolls eyes slightly* equals gay.

I'm tired of explaining to people that just because I'm gay, I haven't issued myself an ir-revokable death warrant.

"Just be careful..."

Straight people love saying that--and it's not just that they say it, they say it as if their odds of contracting HIV/AIDS is so much less than mine. That because I love differently than them, my odds are even greater.

But, the numbers speak for themselves...

HIV/AIDS is not a gay epidemic. It is not a straight epidemic...it is in fact a human epidemic. It should not be something we fear, because history has shown us that the very thing we fear we usually tend to push away or avoid. Unfortunately with HIV/AIDS we cannot do that. It is around us everyday. At work, at school, home, the club...everywhere. Instead of running from the disease, maybe we should take time out to embrace it.

And that is exactly what Think Again does. It confronts HIV/AIDS in a way no other vehicle has. It looks at HIV/AIDS from the outside in, and boldly demands the reader to confront their own experience or inexperience with HIV/AIDS prevention. The essays in Think Again brings to life the feelings/fears so many of us have about HIV/AIDS, good, or bad. For example, Steven Fullwood, one of the co-editors writes: Most of my adult homo life I have fought HIV--or rather fought catching it--and I am tired. Tired of thinking that every sexual act I engage in puts me at risk. Tired of lying when I meet a man to whom I am attracted and, upon finding out he is HIV-postive, finding a way to gently destroy our budding attachment. Tired of feeling alone and scared, and as if this is my lot to contend with for the rest of my life.

Think Again is fresh look at HIV/AIDS from a Black Gay Male perspective. Each essay challenged me to think about my past, my present and my future, and skillfully made me propose what I wanted to do with the rest of it, my life that is. Fear it, or live it?

As always when confronted with that question I chose the latter, because at times whether I want to, or not, I have to live it...

For more info on Think Again contact: The New York State Black Gay Network or Steven Fullwood

I’m convinced the world is crazy. Nothing in it or about it makes sense. And if you’re not here *motions hands to his eyes*, I guarantee you neither will this post.

People, their issues, their fears, their lives are all warped. Yes, warped. Both mine and yours. Let me get this right, why is it that we can’t get along?

Because I’m Black? Because I’m gay? Because...

You know what, I really don’t think its any of that…I just think you’re afraid of me. You’re afraid to get to know me, because you know that once you do, you’ll see that we’re not so different after-all. That the very things you secretly desire, I desire. That your fear of not fitting in, is also my fear.

No one cares nowadays. No one. Everyone is so caught up in their own world—that place where selfishness meets self-involved, and your problems the ones that keep you from communicating with me are not my problems, because yourproblems are sooo much bigger than mine.

I’m not just talking about you, I’m talking about me.

No one loves anymore. No one. Because they’re still pissed about the last time they tried and got hurt. It’s funny, people would rather hold onto the memory of pain, than the feeling of euphoria that preceded it.

No one gives anymore. No one. And if by some chance they do, they make sure they remind you every chance they get, “remember that one time when I…”

Oh God, sometimes I wish I could just stop this crazy ride and get off---because I really don’t want to deal with this shit anymore. I don’t want to deal with you and your shit, if you don’t even want to deal with it…

We got to keep this world together, got to keep it moving straight. Love like we mean forever, so that people can relate. If you're going to your left, don't forget I'm on the right. Trust and forgive each other; a little love and we just might…

I want to love you, I do.

And I can…

If only you would let me.

I remember the first time someone told me a novel had been written by, for and about black gay men. The title resonated in my mind Invisible Life. It was perfect. For years my life had been invisible, to my family, my friends, and at times even to myself. I never spoke about my feelings, the urges, or the desires. I thought about them, yearned for them, but never-ever entertained the thought of sharing them with anyone outside of myself. But, someone else had. Wow…

The thought was earth shattering. I walked, no—ran to the bookstore in search of this rare treasure. I purchased it in the Village at a bookstore right off of Christopher Street that specialized in Gay Literature. [God I wish I could remember the name of that store, but it seems age is catching up to me.] Once procured, I ran home and tore into it. The words of Melvin Dixon, Gilberto Gerald and Phillip Robinson began filling my head. But it was one Essex Hemphill and his poem For My Own Protection that changed my life.

I want to start and organization
to save my life.
If whales, snails, dogs, cats
Chrysler and Nixon can be saved,
the lives of Black men are priceless
and can be saved.
I don’t want to wait for the Heritage Foundation
to release a study saying
Black people are almost extinct.
I don’t want to be the living dead
pacified with drugs, sex and rock-n-roll.
If a human chain can be formed
around nuclear missile sites,
then surely Black men can form human chains around Anacostia,
Harlem, South Africa, Wall Street, Hollywood,
each other.
If we have to take tomorrow with blood
are we ready?
Do our s curls and dreadlocks and phillies
make us any more ready than a bush or conkaline?
I’m not concerned
about the attire of a soldier.
All I want to know
for my own protection
is, are we capable
of whatever
whenever.

His words changed my life. Writing them today changed it yet again.

I was disheartened when I discovered the book I purchased: In the Life , was not the book I was supposed to purchase. But my sadness lasted only for a while. You see, because it was then that I discovered there were a multitude of black writers out there documenting our stories; capturing our history. Doing the very thing so many of us today are still so afraid of: being free.

It’s hard being a black man, and even harder being a black gay man. But being a black gay man who boldly writes about the shit so many wants us to keep locked away in the closet of our mind, is the toughest challenge of them all! It takes balls to write about the shit Langston Hughes, James Baldwin, E. Lynn Harris, James Earl Hardy, L.M. Ross, Michael-Christopher, Lee Hayes, Keith Boykin and a host of other gay black men write about! It takes courage to stand up to the world and say "This is who I am, and these are my stories!"

I read In The Life cover to cover. Then, I read Invisible Life, cover to cover. I read them, and I was proud. Proud to be a black man. Proud to be a gay man. But more so, proud that these black men took the time to teach me what its like to be black, male, and gay.

Support your LGBT authors, their blood, sweat and tears are for you…

Respect.